ikklesammy

I have a new goal. A proper worthy goal that i'm actually quite excited about and that i'm gonna keep a secret for as long as I possibly can from my husband.

You see over the past year he has help set up a charity to save trains and is building a museum, theres over 30 different trains there all of them are special trains in one way or another. Last year we managed to finally have electricity installed onto the site and we were able to have our very first open day which was a great success.

This year the aim was to raise money to go to getting water installed (£3000 its gonna cost) but due to some recent bad news it means that money we had raised for that now needs to go on shifting 2 large trains across the country by road which actually pretty much exactly costs £3000. My guy was really kinda sad about this and he feels like everything from start to finish has been just such a struggle. So I was thinking if I open up commissions and work really hard then maybe I can raise a large chunk of the three thousand pounds needed for the water installation. I shall do some sponsored events and stuff.

So if anyone wants to commission me, please, please every pound/dollar, will help. I have paypal which is haydn_fade@yahoo.co.uk I will work super hard for anyone willing to help me out. I have made a little commission note under the journal to show prices, if you think theyre too expensive then note me and we can negotiate. I think this is my purpose for this year. And maybe if I manage this then my guy will see what a really good girl I am and he will stop being stressed

Also next journal im gonna do a big feature so if anyone wants in on the feature let me know and i will feature some of your art.

It's important, this time of year to reflect and to take stock of your life and mainly to focus on the things you are grateful for and proud of. Xmas is all about positivity and the excitement of the prospects that lay ahead of us. I think These are values I have neglected recently, and I should really rectify this now.

First and foremost I am thankful that I am healthy and I have enough food on my table and money in my pocket to feel fairly comfortable. Occasionally squeezed but nothing that nessecarily overshadows my enjoyment of life. These things I feel I take for granted far too often. And this is always hammered home when I think about my family living in scotland struggling to make ends meet and even through their persistant struggling still managing to keep a smile on their faces everytime something comes along and kicks them while their down. My family shows me that so long as we band together when we need to, things will be alright in the end, the dogged determination of my family makes me feel proud to be one of them, sometimes I want to throttle them, sometimes I want to hug them, sometimes I feel so ridiculously homesick that it's just plain silly. I love them a lot, all of them, despite their weaknesses. I only want them to be happy

I am thankful for all the friends I have made over the years, seriously guys and girls. Where would I be without the majority of you. You listen to me whine and prattle on ....incidentally, prattle is a very cool word and should be used more often... you give me support and inspiration. You pull me up when I am down and hold me up when I need you. Its said that a person can be measured on the strength of their friends, in which case I seriously am one of the luckiest little girls alive. I'm not trying to be cliche or sappy, I honestly mean it. Some of you really have changed my life, made me sit up and honestly start to like myself.

And of course then theres paul. I whine about him far too much but regardless of how big  issues gets they will never get bigger than the overwhelming love I feel for him. A man who taught me that I could, not only reach for the stars but pluck them from the sky if I wanted. his unfaltering belief in me just really allowed me to mend emotional wounds i'd harboured for years. I like that I can tell him anything, I like that he can be really calm and levelheaded when he needs to be and equally a complete fruitloop in the next breath. he's silly and clever and well, he's been a very good boy this year.

I whine about my job far too often too, but to be honest I feel lucky that I even have a job, I enjoy doing something thats slightly out of the ordinary. Yeah the job winds me up a lot but its five minutes walk away its a job I know inside and out and in some areas its fairly flexible. I could be much worse off.

also my music seems to be going from strength to strength, several gigs already booked next year including 4 days at the edinburgh fringe festival and even a much stronger potential for glastonbury this year than there was the last year. Having been on the radio this year at easter was also quite a surprise. Then there was all the artwork that suddenly popped out of nowhere and the creation of a story so long it was novel sized (it hasnt been abandonned honest honest, just 3 chapters to go) I do feel like I have accomplished things this year, finished my first year of Open uni properly and 2nd year courses start in feb (design and designing is the name of the course)

So what does 2011 have to offer? I know im gonna be a new aunty as daddys sister is expecting so yay yay, but other than that...I havent a clue, but lets not jump right into it just yet. Lets just enjoy here, and now, if only for a moment. I'm feeling pretty good and I hope everyone has a brilliant christmas and i'll see you on the other side.

Merry crissmas everyone. I truely wish you all the greatest of seasons

Now, you guys haven't heard anything from me in a long time huh.  I've been majorly busy doing a whole range of other stuff, but I promise you a massive Crochet update in the not too distant future.  Seriously.  And if you thought my caravan was cool, or atashi, or my punk snail, you aint seen nothing yet.  I am working on something so incredibly nerdy I can guarantee it's the only one in existance because no-one else would ever bother crochetting something THAT random.

I've been looking through my crochet here on this account today, feeling pretty proud of what I had accomplished over the few years i've actually been crocheting.  It came when I logged in to DA today to find a rainbow scarf up as one of the DD's, stating it was an original idea, and I had to admit I felt a little hurt.  I guess cause I didnt take a picture of someone pretty wearing my one it wasn't ever considered for a DD.  It's true that it's not just about creating something awesome, you have to photograph it right.

I have to try harder.  I would love to be recognised for the good crochet work that I do.  i've seen some interesting crochet DD's and thought, why did that get a DD and not anything from my gallery.  

Just...gotta..keep trying harder, but I dont know if I can possibly do anything different.  It's infuriating.

I guess I have to just keep creating for my friends and the people who ask me to make them stuff and just do art for myself and not expect praise and comments and suchlike, because thats when the sparkle starts going out of it.  Ive seen tonnes of my friends complaining and getting upset when their artwork doesnt get as many faves and comments as they expect something to, and thats a dangerous path to walk.

So I shall not whine any further (cause it makes me sound pathetic) and get back to my crochet hook.  Ive left so many presents to the last minute this year that I can guarantee blisters on my fingers before the festive period is over.

My sister isn't any better, in fact shes actually a lot worse since being sectioned at the mental institute.  Shes gotten pretty violent and has spent a large chunk of her time there so far restrained and sedated.  It seems my whole family is falling apart over this, as my youngest sister is blaming my parents for the whole thing even though its not their idea of fun.

I've decided I got to get up there but its a 500 mile trip there and 500 back.  Trains and planes cost the same price (about £100-£150) for a return trip, although trains take 9 hours and planes take 1, so if I take a plane I can be up and back over a weekend as im not allowed any time off work at the moment so it would have to be a weekend that I travelled.  *sighs*

I have no money, if anything this month im more in the red than I can figure out how, and its only the 10th so I need to do something major to build up that kind of money for a spur of the moment plane ticket to sort my family out.

If you have any incliation to commission me, now would be a great time.
I can do digital drawings like

for $10
Or crochet you something like

Depending on the complexity of the crochet will depend on the price but prices also start from $10
Look through my gallery I do tonnes of other types of crafts too.  I can make onigiri earings and little fimo figures.  basically if you want something just ask.

Or if you think my prices are too expensive drop me a line anyway i'm sure we can come to some kind of agreement.  I really need the cash and i'm prepared to work for it.  

My paypal address is haydn_fade@yahoo.co.uk if anyone wanted to donate anything, but to be honest I know everyone is feeling the pinch at the moment so I wouldnt expect anyone to give me something for nothing.

And if you don't have any money, simply keeping my sister and my family in your thoughts is enough, and if you could pass this on that too would be muchly appreciated